Drive, Fang, Drive!
by Iseria Dweller
Summary: A hot-wired car, 3 crazy Pulsians & a mortified soldier. Claire just HAD to teach Fang how to drive a damn car.


My hubby was trying to run through the basics of how to drive and this interesting train of thought occurred. We brought up the random topic of "…wouldn't it be interesting to see a drabble of Pulsian people trying to learn how to drive?"

And it sky rocketed from there xD!

P.S. If you're wondering about the time line of when this fic took place, let's just say that it happened after the events of XIII-2 (although I don't think the game would officially have a 'happily ever after' ending like Disney movies….but hey, I can dream, right?) =D!

**Xxx**

Claire blinked and wondered what the _fuck_ was she drunk on when she agreed to this...**deed**.

Yes, Claire 'Lightning' Farron was officially a suicidal bitch. Then again, her whole entire stunt with the Fal'cie thing and destroying Cocoon was supposedly far worse.

But this was the limit.

Not even SERAH was this bad.

For the first time in her miserable existence, Lightning Farron regretted rescuing the two psychotic Pulsians.

Nevermind rescuing them. But agreeing to teach _3 Pulsians _how to drive?

"Oy, Farron! So how do I stop this uh, what do you call it?" The elderly Oerba had a very small hint of panic and Claire couldn't tell if she was feigning that panic because at that very moment, Claire was currently close to having a mini seizure attack…..which was about to develop into a full blown seizure attack, the kind she would have whenever she inhaled coconuts (Pulsian fruits are extremely deadly, mind you).

"I think it's called a car." Noel grinned at the backseat, seemingly having a blast with the whole entire wild ride. "Just keep stepping on all the levers until it stops."

"Great idea!" Fang beamed and proceeded to step on the gas which caused the 'borrowed' (read: As the three Pulsians would coin the hot wired) car to propel forward at an alarming speed of ….well, no pun intended, _lightning. _

Sleeping peacefully at the backseat the car was the younger Oerbaian tribeswoman; a cute orange haired creature who went by the name of Oerba Dia Vanille. The one who was currently in control of the car went by the name of Oerba Yun Fang; a Pulsian royalty which was openly displayed by the rich satin blue colors of her outfit, lined by gold trimmings.

Blue after all was the color of Gran Pulse' royalty.

Blue was also the color of the ex-Guardian Corp soldier's cheeks from the result of oxygen not quite reaching her internal organs. She had been holding her breath for far too long as the 500 year old woman swerved sharply around a lamp post, narrowly avoiding a random guy who was caressing his bike lovingly (or disturbingly, depending on your level of sanity) whilst mumbling "Mounty Daytona..." like a long lost lover would.

Farron had no idea which was far more disturbing, Yun Fang's driving skills or the guy and his Mounty Daytona issue.

Why oh WHY had she agreed to teach Fang how to drive?

WHY in the name of Etro had she agreed to get in the damn car with the two crazy women from the land of down under!

And how in the world can Noel perceive this whole entire suicidal activity as fun!

Claire had come to a conclusion that in Gran Pulse, the denizens had a very _deadly _set of recreational activities which would probably involve defying all the laws of gravity (and all the mathematical equations of mathematics).

Farron had a nagging suspicion that Fang had drugged her breakfast this morning. It sounded JUST like Fang. After all, the younger Oerba had drugged her Eidolon back in Nautilus when he was in his human form. The result was fantastically epic and needless to say, Hope had learned all about the birds and the bees within one night after Odin was done with the Shiva sisters in Estheim's bedroom.

Suddenly, the car screeched to a violent halt, causing a grinning Noel to go flying (happily, might we add) towards the front seat.

The once fearless proud sergeant of the PSICOM army, gulped.

This was all going down to hell.

No one knew how the hell Vanille could even stay asleep at the backseat either.


End file.
